Read a post by someone I admire whose

Read a post by someone I admire whose blog I still read. This one is inspired from that

1. I make lists and feel happy. Almost as if i have completed all the To Do items on the list.

2. I feel overwhelmed by work and wish I had more free time. But when I do have the time, I dont quite like it and feel lost

3. I am trying to make my peace with the fact that I am probably not very sociable. Atleast not as much as i think I would like to be. Being with people leaves me exhausted. Except for family which consists of one man with bushy eyebrows.

4. I love going to new places and now that I have slowly lost that feeling of dread before I start a trip, I seem to be enjoying it even more.

5. Routine is what keeps me going.

6. I chug along believing that it was all meant to be great

Today reminds me to never take anything for granted.. that things indeed change in a day.

“Perhaps it’s true that things can change in a day. That a few dozen hours can affect the outcome of whole lifetimes. And that when they do, those few dozen hours, like the salvaged remains of a burned house—the charred clock, the singed photograph, the scorched furniture—must be resurrected from the ruins and examined. Preserved. Accounted for. Little events, ordinary things, smashed and reconstitutred. Imbued with new meaning. Suddenly they become the bleached bones of a story.”

So literally true.

Re Lax is the name of the game

I am back and how I have spent the last two days sleeping, shopping and eating. There are some days when you feel like pampering yourself with mochachinoes and perfumes. These days are when the weather is splendid and the sheets feel cold when you touch them. You’re happy about the steam that rises from a hot cup of tea and the warmth of you familiar throat.

The smell of the viscous cream you lather on your arm makes you happy. So does the little pot that is too small for the huge shelf it sits on. The pot looks very brave and you sometimes wink at it.

No. I am not drunk. Just well rested and happy despite the fact that it is a Monday

The bridge across two times

The past and the present sometimes meet in strange places. But sometimes, they meet in mundane dining tables, warm hugs and toothy smiles. Yes.. my friends are home and I am in again enjoying the prospect of calling a bud without having to calculate time differences. It is a luxury I cant afford to get used to.

The little brightly coloured guests at home have left after promising to come again next year. It was a blast having them as I was forced to come out of my self imposed anti social cell and be the social butterfly. I had a great time and learnt a lot.

I do miss the secret smiles I was exchanging not to mention the fact that I was gravitating towards that room all the time like a child with a new toy.

Here is a picture for you.

When the Gods come visiting

Every year, the gods come home for nine days. I ve never really been interested in Navaratri till now. I ve never noticed the Kalasam in any of the Golus I never went to.

But then, I never noticed the colours in the nine yards sarees in weddings as well We know how that ended up.

But I do have a (ok had.. ) a mother who loved Golus and a late mother in law who used to flit about like a butterfly during these nine days. From what I hear, I have a reputation to live up to and a tradition to uphold. And knowing me and my need to ever belong, I am ecstatic!!

So, on these nine days as I make space in my home for the Gods who come visiting, I am smiling at the empty chairs in my house where these two women would have sat and smiled.

I may not know the way to do a nevedhyam or what is theetu.. but i do hope that my guests have a good time at my place. I know I will have a blast hosting them

Pictures will follow…

p.s. Amma, this one is for you. For all the plans we made.. I hope I am doing it exactly the way you wanted to.

:)

:)

I ve been missing for a while I know. But I am back and all different (or the same old same) after this long gap.

Maar Daala is playing in the background. I peek into Madhuri’s beautiful face now and then and wonder what she is singing. Shah rukh of course is looking as intense as he strives to always be. Haraa rang daala.. what the hell does that mean? It doesnt matter though.. she makes up for my lack of hindi knowledge.

The window is now at my left. It used to be at my right. Yes.. we ve moved houses. Just at the time when the city is splashed with the flames of the forest. My street has one that i greet on my way in. The laburnum tree on my right is now part of a pleasant past i am striving to build. It has made way for a huge mango tree that envelopes the whole house in a canopy of rainforest green. I am watching the light falling around me in the morning, evening, when it is sunny, cloudy and in between.. filtered by the beauty of the mango tree.

Here is a picture of the place where I drink my 4 sips of tea and smile my contented smile

Magic

Is it the magic of rahman’s voice? or the cold air blowing in my face while I am dressed in the famous golden mustard saree?

or is it my breathless joy of having discovered some new joy courtesy the husband?

or is it the romance of old delhi building terraces that my memory conjures when I think of Delhi 6?

or is it simply the fresh yellow flowers on my dining table?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkcyYqwJq9s

When this tune falls and rises, my heart whoops the way it used to whenever I went down on a large giant wheel.

Hello world.. how have you been?

There is enough happiness to keep me going and enough sorrow to keep me grounded

My need

Before I begin this post, I would like to tell everyone who might have come across this page while blog hopping to please skip if you dont want to read something sad. I need to pour my heart out somewhere and this is my vent. I know there are a few of my  friends who will read it and understand my need to pour this all out somewhere. I may not have to do this if these people were in the same city as me.. but such is life. The rest need not read this if they dont want to.

 

 

My aunt has been a father figure to me. She has diabetes and I go with her for her checkups. She has been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease and her kidneys are functioning only at 1/3 their capacity. The doctor crudely said (IN FRONT OF HER) that we cant reverse the damage and that it will slowly progress to renal failure.

Yours truly is totally broken as you can imagine but I am trying really hard to do what is needed and not spiral into my grief. Please pray for her. My greatest fear is that of her suffering. I simply cannot see her suffer. I hope my mom who is with God right now will watch over her beloved sister and ensure that things are fine. when you look at it like that.. all the people who loved her to bits (other than me) are with God now and that comforts me. That they are all watching over her and will help her out.

 

flying

on a stretch of road

clean and dark grey

on my wheels i went

faster and faster

 

and then i flew

The year that passed

2011 has been an eventful year for me in terms of many things. I normally dont take stock of the year gone by or make a list of goals for the next year here. But I want to do it this year because I want to be atleast half of what I imagine I should be when I hit 30.

Reading
I ve begun to read again. But i seem to only want the comfort of books already read. Safe and predictable. Probably because I am so afraid of encountering something that will trigger off something else. This new year I have to work myself out of this fear. Maybe start reading Children’s books which may not have what I am avoiding.

Writing
My writing has taken a sad backseat all of this year. Usually writing is very cathartic but there are somethings you dont even want to think leave alone write about. I should start posting more regularly on the blog from now onwards

Health
I seem to have developed High Blood pressure in the last year and it is quite scary because of the complications it will have especially during pregnancy. I have to somehow bring this down by July next year. This is a personal commitment to myself and all those who worry about me.

Baggage
I am carrying a lot of baggage from the past and sometimes it weighs me down too much. My flights of fancy are getting less frequent. Frankly it scares me. I dont want to forget how to fly. the meadow dreams dont come any more. i have to learn to laugh, enjoy myself and finish grieving some losses.

Remember
Like my favourite Arundati Roy says
‘To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget’

For me, I should not forget the two greatest lessons I learnt last year
In the end, it is only the kindness that matters.
When you want to do something for someone, do it as soon as possible

work
i ve never taken work seriously but it has been my anchor of sorts during hard times. after moving into a role that I enjoy, I hope to finally give work my attention and due this 2012. I want to make powerful changes to my work such that I can retain my job even later when I need it to be more flexible

So long folks!!! how has your year been and what do you want to do next year?